


Happy Place

by FreeTraderBeowulf



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Brakebills (The Magicians), M/M, s4e05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 11:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeTraderBeowulf/pseuds/FreeTraderBeowulf
Summary: After telling getting his messege to Quentin, Eliot attempts to find solice in the happy place awaiting rescue, but not everything in the happy place is as it seems. He confronted his greatest trauma yes, but he is yet to face his greatest fear.





	Happy Place

Eliot stared vacantly from the doorframe, the distant chatter of the party below him. It was all just dying down, students slack jawed and drunk clamoring for a soft spot to sleep, or one more shot to make the floor seem softer. No one had come up here though, that's how he reminded himself it wasn't real.

All of it was an illusion, him trapped inside his own mind. The physical kids cottage, his happy place.

He closed his eyes, let his breathing taper off into the shallow til he got dizzy. Let the voices die away till the house rung with silence. Creaks in ancient bones, like the hush had brought the house to life. When he opened his eyes Quentin was in front of him.

His hair was messy, sloppily long and curling at the ends. It covered his eyes and caught his breath against his face. Eliot felt the light melt away as he brought his hand to Quentin's cheek, stubble rough against his hand. He kissed him, his lips hot and soft. Everything was unbearably hot, every breath burning against his skin.

He kissed him harder, holding him close. He held him so close the thought he might break, crumpling like a piece of paper.

Quentin pushed him up against the door, it knob jabbing into Eliot's side. It wasn't the same door. He looked up and saw the twin moons crashing against the walls of their Florian home, stars fleeting about rapidly with their smitten kisses.

"Eliot." Quentin muttred. When Eliot looked at him all he saw was starlight, it shone through the trees and fell on Quentins face like freckles. Eliot tried to touch one, one of those little specks. It disappeared when he did. He held Quentin even closer.

Quentin tried to deepen the kiss as the tumbled towards piles of blankets. Eliot slipped on a tile and wished they weren't here. Then they weren't.

"Q I can't live without you."

Quentin ran his hand through Eliot's curls. Eliot wanted him to keep going, needed him to do something that made feel. Something that made him real.

"Say you love me Q."

"Of course I do."

"Just fucking say it okay?" Eliot croaked.

"I love you."

Eliot imagined the tiles floating around him, then exploding in a flit of sparks. His hands were left singed and smoking.

"Eliot!"

"Say it again."

"Eliot stop!" Quentin said, stumbling backwards.

Eliot set fire to the trees around them, brazen plums of smoke choked his lungs as he heard the birds scream. He didn't even need to use his hands

"Quentin say it."

"I love you El! You don't need to do this." Quentin pleaded.

Eliot started kissing him again, the heat swallowing them whole. When he opened his eyes, Quentin wasn't there.

"Q! Come back!"

Flames licked the side of the cottage, blood seeped out from the walls.

"God damn it!"

The pressed his hands together in a tut, he let it all fold in on itself. It was like a pop up book, everything falling flat, becoming just another page in a story. All he was in was a story.

Quentin wasn't here. Quentin was sad and scared and fucking alone an Eliot couldn't save him. Eliot doomed him. Eliot doomed him with a shining golden bullet.

As Fillory crumbled he was left inside Castle Blackspire, gun in his hand. It glowed with energy, gold writing embellishing the barrel that grew hot the longer he held it in his hand. 

He saw himself standing before him.

"You did everything you could, and you couldn't save him. You've never been able to save him. In fact, you gave him up!"

Eliot tried to make it go away, this reflection of himself.

"No! I tried to help him!"

"You were selfish. you were scared. You can never seem to run hard enough. Your running in circles Eliot."

The castle started flooding, water pouring in from stones. It boiled, everything burned against Eliot's skin.

Over the crashing his reflection yelled, "End this! All you have are memories of him. Memories that he won't remember. Memories that you'll set fire to again and again."

"Stop it!"

"You could never be with him. He is everything you want to be. He believed in you."

The water was up to his hips.

Eliot tried a spell, he tried spell after spell until he was wheezing through sobs, snot running into his mouth. His inhibitions, his faith dripping into the rising water like droll.

He stared at the gun in his hand, it was searing his palm and illuminated his feet under the water. He was just starting to float from the floor.

"I'm supposed to be brave aren't I!" Eliot stuttered. "I beat that fucking test I saw him! I know I love him! I've always. I've always fucking loved him! Then why can't I have him, why can't I have him here!"

Suddenly it was quiet, the water disappeared as Eliot thudded to the floor.

"There is no here Eliot, Quentins not here, Margos not here, no one is here. No one but me."

"Your not here either."

"Im you. I'm the part of you that gave him up. That will keep giving him up. I'm the one who fired the gun."

Eliot looked down to see the gun was no longer in his hand, it was in the reflections. Eliot barely had time to close his eyes before the bullet entered his chest.

***

Eliot didn't know how much later he woke up. He was in his bed at the physical kids cottage, the happy place. He was holding onto one of Quentins shirts.

His head throbbed and chest ached. The corners of his eyes were raw and flaking from crying. He knew he could wish them all away, instead he made them worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm new here and this is the first fic I've ever written! I know its not canon or whatever but this was written a awhile ago and posted under Lyria_Phalen on wattpad!


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